I see dead people

Repost from 11/12/2010

By Trace Hentz (blog editor)

Well, actually I do not see dead people but I know people who are living like they are dead.

OK, imagine this.... You are a child and you disappear. Not only are you upset, your entire family is crazy with despair and your parents are distraught. They might go on television and beg the people who took you to please bring you back. Your mom and dad might even divorce since they cannot forget you and they can’t seem to heal since you are missing.

You (the child) on the other hand, might be too young to fight back, or even try and escape. But you want to.

That is child abduction and we all take this seriously in American and all over the world.

Now, change the word child to adoptee.

This life changing event: “adoption” does change you and your parents. America and the world do not think of adoption as abduction but I do. Why? It feels the same to the child. And to some mothers, it feels exactly like your child was abducted.

The trauma of being abducted or adopted is the same for the child. You are feeling you are not where you are supposed to be. Let’s not get into the medical terms but those words do exist in medical journals.

So, I ask you, when will people who adopt children begin to understand that adoptees have feelings they cannot describe or display? Some adopters I know have taken this very personally and have tried to make the child feel better and assure them they will meet their natural parents someday. I have friends who have adopted and some are remarkable in their sensitivity. Some of them advocate for open adoption, so their adopted child meets their parent on a regular basis, if at all possible.

So, if you are adoptive parents and reading this, I need you to do something TODAY. Forget that there are laws preventing disclosure when it’s a sealed adoption. I want you to request the adoption file – the legal proceedings. All of it! You signed the documents so you can request them.

OK, you did it. When your adopted child asks, I want you to tell them you have the name of their natural mother and that you will help her/him find their natural parent(s) when they turn 18. It depends on the child and when they ask. If they don’t ask, I want you to give them the file when they are 18 as a gift.

That is why I see dead people. If you are a mystery, it feels like you’re dead.

HUGE DAY FOR WASH STATE ADOPTEES

Hello!
Big, HUGE day for WA adoptees!!

Sen Mike Carrell of Tacoma amended his OBC bill SB 5118, and REMOVED the veto (affidavit of nondisclosure) and replaced w/ the 'contact preference form'. What this means is that EVERY SINGLE WA ADOPTEE COULD GET THEIR ORIGINAL BIRTH CERT....IF this bill passes!!

The amended bill was voted on today in the Senate Human Services & Corrections committee, and PASSED!! This is the same committee that has blocked this bill the past 3 years (well, 'the committee' didn't block it -
the former chair is the one that did the blocking).

Next stop for this bill is the Senate Ways & Means committee, where there will hopefully be another hearing and another vote. Then another committee, Senate floor, then over to the House to start the process there.

So we have a LONG way to go BUT this is year is looking like we actually have a REAL chance of passing one of these OBC bills!

BUT...

WE NEED YOUR HELP!!

We need more people showing up in Olympia for these hearings, even if you don't testify, WE NEED TO FILL THE ROOM TO SHOW THE LEGISLATORS THAT THIS ISSUE IMPACTS MANY OF US!!!

We also need you ALL to keep writing snail mail, emails, and calling legislators on each committee that each bill goes to. Writing the letters and emails are easy once you write up your first one. Because after that first one, you can just copy-n-paste for future letters/emails. Easy peasy!!
And we're more than happy to help!!

We also need to increase our 'fans' on Facebook and 'followers" on Twitter. Links are below.

IF YOU ARE WILLING AND ABLE TO GO TO OLYMPIA FOR HEARINGS IN THE COMING
WEEKS, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!

Thanks!!
-Penni

Find WA-CARE in the following places:

www.wa-care. com
Facebook (http://www.facebook .com/pages/ Wa-Care/14191478 2493687)
Twitter (https://twitter. com/WA_CARE)
Email (washingtonadopteerights@gmail. com)

PLEASE take the time and like and follow and contact Penni - I have several adoptee friends from WA state who need this! Thanks for reading this blog, too! XOX Trace

RI opens records #ADOPTION

New R.I. law allows access to birth certificate

Effective JULY 2, 2012! (With conditions, of course!)

PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Rhode Island is for the first time allowing people who were adopted to see their birth records. The state Office of Vital Records on Monday will allow adoptees age 25 and over to get copies of their original birth certificates. For some of them, it will be the first time they learn the names of their biological parents.
Gov. Lincoln Chafee (CHAY'-fee) was on hand to personally hand over records to four people. More than 200 certificates are being mailed and 55 have been preordered for pickup.
The new policy is the result of legislation passed last year designed to give adult adoptees more information about their birth parents and health history.
Birth parents are allowed to submit forms stating they do not wish to be contacted.

From the Norwich Bulletin:

"...Formal implementation of the law, signed in 2011, was held off for a time to enable the state to inform birth parents about the legislative change. Paul Schibbelhute, executive director of the American Adoption Congress, said Monday’s ceremony was a big step in the evolution of adoptees’ rights.
“It is a basic human right to have access to a birth certificate,” he said. “All of us have the right to know who our families are.”
Schibbelhute, who reunited with his birth son in 1998, said his group has lobbied for years to loosen access to adoptive records. Rhode Island is the third state, after New Hampshire and Maine, to allow an adoptee to view their birth certificates. He said his group “continues to struggle” to get the same law passed in Connecticut..."

Read more: Putnam man adopted as child finds clue to his roots - Norwich, CT - The Bulletin http://www.norwichbulletin.com/news/x2102591206/Putnam-man-adopted-as-child-finds-clue-to-his-roots#ixzz1zZHbJieR 

For those birthparents reading this: do not deny us our name, history and ancestry, even if you do not meet us - do the right thing!   Trace

How do we Mend the Hoop?

By Trace A. DeMeyer (Winyan Ohmanisa Waste La Ke)


Years ago I was embarrassed to say I was adopted. I did not feel lucky. I did not have a clue that my adoption hurt me so badly, its tentacles reached into every aspect of my life, even as an adult. My hoop, my connection to my ancestors, was broken by my adoption.
I ached to know my own mother, the woman who created me.
One expert wrote, “Loss of the most sacred bond in life, that of a mother and child, is one of the most severe traumas and this loss will require long-term, if not lifelong, therapy.”
Really? No one helped me with this. I had therapy twice. The counselling I received in my 20s or 30s concerned my dysfunctional childhood and yet all my issues stemmed from my adoption wound and loss. They missed it or didn't inquire or connect the dots. Why is that?
For close to 20 years, on my own I searched and simply wanted to find answers and the truth. I made calls before I showed up anywhere; I did not disrupt anyone’s life. If I was invited to meet relatives, I went. This year alone, two cousins have filled giant gaps in my ancestry. Prayers are answered, even the unspoken ones.
I can see how adoption loss can last a lifetime. For some friends, they're stalled with sealed adoption records, not knowing which tribe, and suffer greatly with grief and depression.
For them, I wrote my book as a journalist and adoptee and now I write this blog for other American Indian adoptees, raised by non-Indians.
For those who attempt to open their own adoption, or simply want to understand, I explain many stages, steps I had taken: some good, some hard.
Sharing our stories is how we heal, how we mend the hoop.
Even now there is persistent rampant poverty in Indian Country. Even now it isn’t easy being Indian, on and off the reserves. But it is definitely better to know who you are, which tribe, and not live in a mystery. Someone needs to build a bridge for these adoptees. Open records will accomplish this.
It's hard to admit but adoptees with Indian blood find out soon enough their reservations are closed to strangers. Without proof, without documents, you’re suspect.
We don’t always get our proof since state laws prevent it. Just one Minnesota tribe, White Earth, decided to call out to its lost children/adoptees; this made news in 2007. Just a few adoptees showed up. Why? Adoption records are still sealed in Minnesota.
America’s Indian Adoption Project was not publicized or well known, just like a few more secrets I found out. Congress heard Indian leaders complain in 1974, “In Minnesota, 90 percent of the adopted Indian children are placed in non-Indian homes.”
I was born in Minnesota.
For any adoptee going back to their tribe, this requires a special kind of courage. Adoptees know this. Rhonda, a Bay Mills Tribal member, an adoptee friend of mine, was told early on – be happy, be white. Ask yourself, how would you react?
When did Indian Country become such a bad place to be from? When did this happen? How did this happen?
My mission is to find these answers and build new bridges... it is time to mend the hoop for all adoptees.

The Hoop symbolizes the never ending circle of life which starts with birth, then goes to maturity, then to old age and death with the completion of the hoop in rebirth here or in the spiritual world. The individual who has his life in order stands in the center of the hoop to see, to understand, and to be guided by the various paths of life around him. The best compliment one can pay an individual is to say that he stands in the center of the hoop of life or that he lives on the correct path of life. http://www.grandfathersspirit.com/Hoop-of-Life-Buffalo-Skull.html

How to Open an Adoption Part One (UPDATED)

By Trace L Hentz

August 18, 2011

Depending on where you live, what state you were born and what records and information your adoptive parents have shared with you, every adoptee can now search for their birthparents and biological relatives. Despite the closed adoption records and laws, many adoptees are successfully finding their birthparent’s identity.

How do they do it? A wealth of information and the Internet, including Facebook.

As I am writing this, I remember how I used to think more about my birthmother. Let me remind adoptees - you have two parents and each has their own medical history and genealogy. Like I did, an adoptee may only have one parent’s name but that is enough to begin a search.

As I wrote in my memoir, I opened my own adoption through a kind judge in Wisconsin. I didn’t actually meet my mother after I found her. I met relatives on her side of the family. My uncle helped immensely. Then after I wrote to my mother requesting my father’s identity, I met him and we agreed to do a DNA test to prove his paternity. Many adoptees will do DNA with their dads.

Since I started my search in the late 1970s, I did it without the internet. Yes, I used the phone book. (There are later steps when you do get a name which I will outline in Part 2.)

Why is it so hard? Why are laws sealed? It’s complicated, convoluted, medieval, appalling and simply aggravating – yes, my friends said this – but it can be done. If I could do it, you can do it!

First, there are websites to register your birthdate information on the internet. For many adoptees, a birthdate (and hospital) may be all the information you have. First, look closely at your amended birth certificate issued when you were adopted. The hospital where you were born is probably listed and correct. But may be not! The hospital in Minnesota and county where I was born was correctly listed on my amended birth certificate. (The amended birth certificate is issued after an adoption and lists your adoptive parents as your natural parents.)

Check the date when your birth certificate was notarized and what state signed it. I was born in 1956 but the amended birth certificate wasn’t signed until 1958. Like many adoptees I was born in a state different than where I was adopted. In my case, I was adopted in Wisconsin. Adoptee birth certificates are usually missing information. Mine did not list my birth-weight or inches. Missing information is the sure sign you were in a closed adoption.

There are different types of adoption: Foster-to-Adopt; Infant or newborn adoption; International adoption; Step-child adoption; Semi-open adoption; Older Child adoption; Closed adoption; Relative – Kin adoption; Foster Child adoption; Special Needs adoption; Military Overseas adoption; and Embryo Adoption. If possible, ask your adoptive parents which type of adoption and ask them to show you all the paperwork on your adoption. If your adoptive parents are deceased, you may inherit your adoption paperwork, so you need to read them carefully for clues.

Sadly, adoptive parents are not always the best source of information. Asking them could upset them or they might be unwilling to talk with you. This might be the riskiest step of all. If you are not able to talk to them directly, use another family member to collect the adoption paperwork and information for you. They can explain why to your adoptive parents. A compelling reason might be future medical conditions like diabetes and cancer. They can say you need to know about ancestry, siblings, ethnicity, religious heritage, the genetic background of each birthparent, or possible inherited medical conditions. This is a very sensitive step and careful decisions need to be made to keep the peace between family members but it’s important to get all the information you can.

One example: My adoptive mother saw papers you don’t normally see when they adopted my brother. She had his birthparent’s names but did not write them down. This may be the case for other adoptees. Your adoptive parents may know your birthparents name and what you were named at birth. My adoptive mother told me I was named Helen. That was not my name on the adoption paperwork that I read when I was 22. I was named Laura Jean. My birthmothers name was Helen. So remember some information your adoptive parents have may or may not be correct.

INFORMATION

For adoptees, there are two types of information you will need: identifying and non-identifying. Identifying information is the real deal with real names – yours and your birthmother. Non-identifying information has no names but descriptions.

In the past, nearly all States required a court order for adoptees to gain access to their original birth certificates. In 26 States: Arizona, Arkansas, California, Connecticut, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Missouri, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, South Carolina, South Dakota, Texas, Virginia, West Virginia, and Wyoming, the District of Columbia, American Samoa, Guam, and Puerto Rico, all require a court order (reported in 2009). This will require a lawyer and a judge in the state you were born.

Access to your identifying information is not always restricted to birth parents and adoptees. In 36 States biological siblings of the adoptee are allowed to seek and release identifying information upon mutual consent. They are: Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Mexico, New York, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, and Wyoming. Depending on where you were born, adoptees should write a letter and consent to be contacted.

Some States have a search and consent procedure called a confidential intermediary system: States using confidential intermediaries include Alabama (when consent is not on file), Colorado, Illinois (to obtain updated medical information), Michigan (when consent is not on file), Montana, North Carolina, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Virginia, Washington, and Wyoming.

Some States have imposed limitations on the release of identifying information. Arkansas, Mississippi, South Carolina, and Texas require the adoptee to undergo counseling about the possible consequences of search and contact with his or her birth family before any information is disclosed. In Connecticut, release of identifying information is prohibited if it is determined that the requested information would be seriously disruptive to any of the parties involved.

Other States use an affidavit system so birth family members can file their consent to the release of identifying information or they can refuse to be contacted and deny the release of identifying information. In Alabama, Alaska, California, Kentucky, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Mississippi, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New Mexico, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin, the written permission of adoptee and birth parents is called a consent, waiver, or authorization form. Some state laws allow information access: Through a court order when all parties have consented - Idaho, Mississippi, and the Northern Mariana Islands. At the request of the adult adoptee: Alabama, Alaska, Maine, Oregon, and the Virgin Islands.

Never give up, adoptees. It may seem impossible at first but help is out there.

FIRST STEP:

Ask your adoptive parents for your adoption paperwork, if they have it.

Find the Department and Application Website for Your State

According to sources such as U.S. Department of Health and Human Services' Child Welfare Information Gateway, states with open adoption records include Alabama, Alaska, Delaware, Kansas, New Hampshire, Maine, Oregon and Tennessee. If your adoption took place in one of these states -- or in states such as Massachusetts that allow some adoptees to access their pre-adoption birth certificate -- you can find out how to obtain your original birth certificate by going to the vital records department of that state for the appropriate address and procedure.

Complete the Application

The application form to access an original birth certificate, also known as a pre-adoption birth certificate, asks the adopted adult for information such as your full name, current contact information, place and time of birth, and names of parents if known. Most states require that you include a copy of your state-issued picture ID with the request. This may be a driver's license, a passport, a military identification card or a tribal identification card; follow the specific requirements of your state. Most states charge fees of about $20 to process the request. Wisconsin charged me $50 per hour to search for my adoption file last year. Details about the fees and who the check or money order should be made out to will be included on your state's application, which will outline your options for submitting your materials.

State Vital Records Websites

Specific information from several of the states that allow open access to pre-adoption birth certificates to adopted adults can be found on the websites of the vital records departments of the individual states. The state of Tennessee's website instructs adopted adults to contact its Post Adoption Services office in Nashville. In 1999, the state of Tennessee upheld a 1996 law when its court system concluded that making adoption records accessible "does not impair the vested rights or violate the right to privacy under the Tennessee constitution."

Adoptees need to know what to request, and how much it will cost and what conditions need to be met to access your adoption records and original birth certificate.

STEP TWO

Register with every Reunion Registry:

http://www.isrr.net/  - FREE, The International Soundex Reunion Registry is a non-profit agency founded in 1975 by Emma May Vilardi. ISRR is a mutual consent reunion registry for persons desiring a reunion with next-of-kin. This agency serves the needs of family members who have been separated from each other by adoption, divorce, foster care institutional care, abandonment, etc.

http://www.registry.adoption.com/ - FREE, The Internet’s #1 Adoption Registry.

http://www.gsadoptionregistry.com/ - FREE, for adoptees desiring a reunion with their birth family, or to learn about their medical history and birth family genealogy and for birth mothers, fathers, siblings and birth family members desiring a reunion with the adoptee that was given up for adoption, or to give the adoptee their medical history or birth family genealogy. They offer Search Forms for the US and other countries, helpful links, live chat, state adoption laws, links to support groups, a Black/Grey Market registry for adoptees, and Search Angels.

http://www.adoption-free-search.org/  – FREE, Emergency Medical Locators for Adoptees (EMLA) is a nonprofit organization that conducts free biological searches for those who are in critical need of their family medical histories in times of life-threatening medical crisis. Each year, thousands of adopted men, women, and children lose their precious lives to catastrophic illnesses because they are unaware of their biological medical histories. Many more live day to day without knowing that they are at risk of contracting any number of disorders—including diabetes, heart disease, and many forms of cancer —that could be effectively treated, if not prevented, had they sufficient time, adequate information, and access to what is rightfully theirs: their family medical histories. EMLA is equipped with a worldwide, around-the-clock team of expert emergency medical locators who have successfully retrieved vital information on behalf of countless adoptees facing medical emergencies. This information has ranged from critical data on familial disorders to links that have resulted in lifesaving bone-marrow transplants.

http://adopteebirthparentsupportnetwork.org/ - FREE, The Adoptee-Birthparent Support Network (ABSN) is an all-volunteer search and support group serving those in Maryland, Virginia, and Washington, DC and related areas, whose lives have been affected by adoption. ABSN is an affiliate organization of the American Adoption Congress and is active in adoption reform efforts locally and nationally.

http://www.metroreunionregistry.org/  – FREE, help in searching VA, DC, MD and more!

http://registry.adoption.com/ –FREE, Reunion registry for adoptees, adoptee blogs and information.

http://groups.yahoo.com/search?query=Adoption+Search  – FREE, There are several Adoption Search groups in states like New York, Michigan, South Carolina and more. Look up Adoption Search and your state and join the yahoo search group to get daily emails, advice and free assistance. For example: Finding-in-Florida@yahoogroups.com – This is the Florida Search Angel Group on Yahoo.

http://almasociety.org  – NOT FREE, The Adoptees Liberty Movement Association, or The ALMA Society is a non-profit, tax-exempt corporation funded entirely by registration fees and donations which are tax-deductible. ALMA does not do the search for members. They assist with your search through our chapters and search assistants. They do not act as an intermediary in contacting birth relatives, etc. Registration fee of $50 covers expenses. Volunteers are strictly volunteer. EMAIL: Marie Anderson, manderson@almasociety.org or write a letter to: The ALMA Society, P.O. Box 85, Denville, NJ 07834

http://www.miraclesearch.com/  -NOT FREE, Paul Brown (Private Investigator-Adoptee) offers a free search evaluation but will charge a fee. Their website: We are a premier search organization with two primary search programs for Adoptees, Mothers, Fathers and Siblings separated by adoption: Consultation Approach - We will consult you throughout the search until you find who you are looking for. Our coaching will help you narrow down the choices and identify your biological mother, biological father, or biological siblings. Full Search Approach - We will conduct a full search on your behalf until we locate the individual. We will find your biological father, biological mother, or biological siblings where ever they may reside.

Google Adoption Search Registries for more but these are some that were recommended.

THIRD STEP:

Get your non-identifying (Non-ID) from the state where you were adopted. Non-identifying information includes birthparents age and (in recent years) medical history at the time of the child's birth; their physical description (height, weight, eye color); heritage (religion, national origin, race); number of other children, and whether they’re adopted. More detailed data is collected describing your birthparents, not adoptive parents.

Nearly all States allow the adoptee to access non-identifying information upon written request. Usually the adoptee must be at least age 18 before they may request information. States that allow birth parents and adoptees access to non-identifying information are Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Indiana, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Mississippi, Montana, New Hampshire, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, Washington, and West Virginia. (This information is current through June 2009.) Also 15 States (Arizona, Colorado, Indiana, Michigan, Mississippi, Montana, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, Tennessee, Utah, and Vermont) give such access to adult birth siblings.

You simply must have your non-identifying paperwork so search angels and registries can post all your information. Put a consent letter in the state files where you were born. LAWS in each state govern when and how adoptees and birthparents may be allowed to contact each other. When both the adopted child and the birthparent want to be found, each can file a "letter of consent" with the appropriate agencies. Read this tutorial:  http://www.gsadoptionregistry.com/beginnerstutorial.html.

Policies on what information is collected and how that information is maintained and disclosed vary by State. Read more: http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/infoaccessapall.pdf.

FOURTH STEPS:

Go to a judge in the county where you were born and request to read your adoption file. (I did this in Wisconsin in 1978, a sealed record state)

Ask your adoptive parents to file a request for your adoption file and court proceedings. If they signed the documents, the adoptive parents have the legal right to request them and read them with the adoptee. Your birthmother had to sign the paperwork, too.

File a court order through an attorney to access your adoption file citing the reasons why you need this information. (Use medical reasons)

Contact a local newspaper where you were born and tell a reporter your story, and follow up especially if you find your parent or sibling. Some adoptees run ads in newspapers or create a Facebook Page with their birthdate. There are free ads on Craig’s list. One adoptee wrote a tribal newspaper and his siblings recognized him in his photo and contacted him right away. Use the media!

Contact your own state’s Social Services/Human Services and work with a social worker to gain access your adoption file.

Use SEARCH ANGELS: Search Angels like Soaring Angels http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SoaringAngels  and Mary Weilding’s I-CARE in Wisconsin are volunteers who help you though all aspects of the complex process of a search, from start to finish. They may direct you to Web pages or other resources that you may need to explore. Some may ask for gas and expenses for their time and effort to search records.

Use Mutual Consent Registries - they are available in Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Missouri, Nevada, New Hampshire, New York, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, and West Virginia. A mutual consent registry requires at least one person from the birth family and one from the adoptee/child's family to register. These registries often fail to work because birth certificates are often falsified in closed adoptions when birthdates may be altered or incorrect. The original adoption agency from 10, 20 or 30 years ago may no longer be in business. Or, the birthparent or adoptee may not know or remember the agency's name or address (or state or country). Also, accidents happen, so mutual consent-forms that were filed previously may have been lost or damaged, due to fire or flood or human error. Plus, some adoptions did not involve agencies at all, or were not fully legal, so there may be very few (or zero) paper-trails or current-day administrators or storehouses of the adoption agencies’ paperwork. Mutual consent is not the best but do it.

Helpful SUGGESTIONS:

Watch “Adoptees - Knowing Your Family History Can Save Your Life” by Jean Strauss: http://vimeo.com/23282016 .  The Surgeon General of the United States and top geneticists concur - family medical history is a key component of a person's health. He said for adopted Americans, even knowing your original last name can be of great benefit, for it may give clues to their ethnic heritage. Access to information could, quite possibly, save your life. Get educated on why you need to open your adoption and have the tools to make your case when you speak to your adoptive parents, the media and others who inquire.

If you need help and support, visit: http://www.adoptionhealing.com/ - Adoption Healing is the largest network in the world for helping those separated by adoption with over 400 adoption search and support groups worldwide. A not-for-profit 501(c) 3 charity, Adoption Healing has adoption-related literature, support groups, healing weekends, conferences and a nightly chat. They are dedicated to helping people who have been separated by adoption to find each other.

Remember, knowledge is power. Every adoptee must do the emotional work to be ready for the next steps which include the searches and reunions. It will take more courage and persistence. The adoptees I know seem to have that in abundance!

UPDATE: LAWS in Washington state, Rhode Island and Missouri have changed so it is very crucial that you check with your state as to its laws. Some adoptive parents WERE allowed to change your place of birth so adoptees may have only their birthdate to start with. Just be aware that it is difficult to search if you don't know WHERE you were born!

Part 2 (2015) here: https://blog.americanindianadoptees.com/2015/03/states-with-open-adoption-records.html

(Copy and paste, print, or share this with every adoptee you know, please! Megwetch.. Thank you.

OP-ED: Birth Certificates at center of Adoptee Rights Bill (New Jersey)

http://www.timesunion.com/default/article/Birth-certificates-at-center-of-bill-1396377.php

The time has come in New Jersey to vote for The Adoptee Rights Bill which grants adoptee's access to their original birth certificates. This editorial (op-ed) by LORRAINE DUSKY said it perfectly. It is on the Governor's desk for his signature...
I wrote to every lawmaker in New Jersey and asked they approve unconditional access to the original birth certificate for adoptees born in New Jersey. One by one, this is how we change the world for adoptees...Trace

My interview with Leland P Kirk Morrill, Navajo adoptee (Book 2)

Weaving a new life: My conversation with Dine adoptee Leland P Kirk (Morrill)

There was a reason Indian leaders went to the Senate in the 1970s and demanded an inquiry into the staggering number of children disappearing in Indian Country. It was not just boarding schools creating this mass exodus of children. Adoption programs in 16 states removed 85% of Native children. Programs like the Adoption Resource Exchange of North America (ARENA), established by the Child Welfare League of America in 1967, funded in part by the Bureau of Indian Affairs, paid states to remove children and place them with non-Indian adoptive families and religious groups like the Mormon Church.  ARENA expanded to include all Canadian and United States adoption agencies and offered them financial assistance.
 

As William Byler, executive director of the Association of American Indian Affairs, testified, “…in Minnesota, 90 percent of the adopted Indian children are in non-Indian homes.”
In 1976, Byler told senators that for many tribes, survival was at stake; Congress agreed tribal stability was as important as that of the best interests of the child, which eventually lead to the passage of the Indian Child Welfare Act of 1978.
 

a striking example is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Indian Placement Program. By the 1970s, an estimated 5,000 Indian children were living in Mormon homes. Francis R. McKenna wrote in the Journal of American Indian Education, “… Christian churches have developed massive programs for adoption of Indian children. Adoption of Indian youth is some 20 times the national average. For Navajos alone, some 2,000 children are spirited away for adoption annually by a single agency, the Mormon Church.”
Leland Morrill, Dine/Navajo, is one of ten Native children adopted by one Mormon family under one of the ARENA programs. Leland, now living in California, was adopted on July 15, 1971. He was 4 years old.

Do you know what happened to bring about your being adopted?
Leland Morrill: I found out it was my Navajo mother Linda Carolyn Kirk’s responsibility to enroll me into the tribe and she should have obtained a census number for me at my birth or within a reasonable time. She didn't... I will never know why because she was killed in a car accident in Albuquerque in September 1968. She was living off the reservation. After she died, I was taken to St. Anthony’s orphanage, not affiliated with any tribal nation. My natural father, whoever he is, never claimed me. From the orphanage I was returned to the Navajo Nation and my mother’s relatives. I have been able to piece together that I was abused and neglected by them. When I suffered severe first, second and third degree burns, and broken bones, I was admitted to Keams Canyon Indian Health Services clinic then transferred to the Gallup Indian Hospital. The BIA intervened and assigned Ms. McCray of Arizona Social Services as my caseworker. She found my Mormon foster/adoptive parents, Stan and Gwena Morrill, so I was placed with them upon my release from the Gallup Indian Hospital. I was in foster care for 22 months then adopted by the Morrill’s.

Since you were fostered then adopted, did the tribe or its lawyers appear in any of the proceedings concerning your care and placement?
Yes, Andy G. Smith, a DNA Legal Aid advocate, acted as guardian to the estate of Linda Kirk, my mother. She had life insurance since she was working at the
Albuquerque Federal Building. DNA People’s Legal Services is a nonprofit who
provides free legal aid for seven tribes in three states, helping low income
people get access to tribal, state and federal justice systems.

Do you read your adoption file?
I do not have access to it because I am not a member of the Navajo Nation. I applied for membership to the Navajo Nation on March 22, 2011. After that, I'm assuming access will be granted by the Navajo Nation but I am not feeling that is a guarantee.

How has not being enrolled affected you?

I have been weaving together my pre-adoption life up to my adoption, though the tribe has not supplied me or my adoptive parents any credible documentation or explanation concerning my lack of enrollment. I have a theory. By not enrolling me into the tribe in 1968 when my mother died, the Navajo Nation avoided the "prior approval of the Advisory Committee"... they’d set up these rules in 1960 concerning Navajo children being adopted out. Since the BIA had a role here, they would have advised against enrolling me, possibly, which made me adoptable. Navajo Judge Joe Bennally should have had me enrolled; it was his duty, but he didn't. The Navajo Tribal Council would have never investigated because I was never enrolled in the tribe by my mother or the judge.

Were you and your nine adopted siblings required to convert to the Mormon religion and expected to be missionaries?
Yes, we converted. None of the ten adopted children went on missions. One of us, Virginia (Ginny), is a practicing Mormon now.

Did the Morrill’s receive compensation as your foster parents?
My parents would have been paid at least $65 per month, per child before our
adoptions and $65 each after the adoption, for a temporary period of time. My
sister Virginia, also Navajo, and I were handled under ARENA, funded by the
BIA.  Our (mixed blood) brother Shaun was adopted as a baby out of a court in Phoenix, not tribal court. The Morrill’s moved to Canada the day after I was adopted.... effectively removing me, my sister and my brother from any biological family or tribal connection.  I have asked myself, “Why so far...why
Canada?”  My father says they were transferred. With the LDS Church Education System, doesn't one request a transfer? In Canada, my adoptive parents adopted seven more kids, all are Ojibwe siblings. I'm assuming there was ARENA money for them, too.

Did you know or meet other Mormons families who had also adopted Native American children?
Yes, my mother’s friends, the Johnson’s, adopted Native children, but I am not sure which tribe. They lived in Chinle, Arizona when we did. John Christensen was my mom's boss at LDS Social Services in Rapid City and they adopted a Native child. My adopted mother eventually worked as a secretary for LDS Social
Services, a division which handles Mormon adoptions.

How was it growing up in a house full of 12 kids - what was a typical day?
That would depend on the day and the year. We had specific rituals as a family. We woke up by 6:30 am, read scriptures from the Old/New testament, Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenance, rarely from The Pearl of Great Price. We did the children’s versions then graduated to "The Standard Works."
After scriptures, we had family prayer, went on a 15 minute walk/run, got ready for breakfast then off to school. As the years progressed, we would rise earlier
and go to early morning seminary. My dad was the local ecclesiastical leader
and the area coordinator for the LDS Seminary & Institute program for the Mormon Church. I think his title trumps the Bishop and Stake President.
We were encouraged to do extra-curricular activities, like I was in the band, and ran track and field. We'd come home after school and had assigned chores that would rotate; sometimes it was cleaning the bathrooms, sometimes the living room, shovel snow, chop wood, wash the cars...we all rotated without regard to our sex.
Of course kids had favorite jobs and sometimes we'd trade each other. Then we'd eat dinner and do homework. By 9-10 pm, we'd go to sleep.
Later, when I was 9, dad set up the Morrill Family Services, a janitorial company. We kids cleaned buildings like a cytology/histology lab and then a local blood clinic. I did it for seven years until I was 16, in addition to having a paper route.
Some of my brothers were hired out to do yard work and shovel snow.
On weekends my adopted mom liked to go to garage sales so sometimes we'd all end up at them. Of course we'd clean houses since the Morrill Family Services had jobs on Saturdays. We had a huge garden and all of us were assigned weeding, taking certain areas.  I always traded for the strawberry patch because I like them. So we'd prepare for Sabbath, cooking, cleaning, setting the table, washing clothes, ironing, things you'd do on a normal day; we always set up for Sunday Sabbath. 
Sundays were for church. We’d be up 7 am, then get ready for three hours of church. We'd come home, eat, mom and dad would have their alone time and us kids would go outside and play quietly, or take a nap. My sister Sheila liked to tan so sometimes all ten of us would be outside tanning our brown bodies on the deck or the side lawn. We rarely included the other two, Kaelyn and Shelly, who were our parents "natural" kids.

Where do you live now?
I live in Los Angeles, California. Oddly I felt I was called here. I found out 50
years ago (in 1961) my mother Linda lived here in LA.

Where are your siblings?

Shaun and Adam live in Salt Lake City; Keith is in Pueblo, Colorado; Sharon is in
Springfield, Missouri; Robert is in Tennessee, he just moved; Ginny lives in
Magna, Utah; Cindy lives in Madison, Wisconsin; Debbie is in Raleigh, North
Carolina; Shelly is in Denver; Sheila is in Mount Hope, West Virginia; and Kaelyn
is in Draper, Utah.

Are you the oldest?
No, I am number 8. We counted off 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12, eldest to youngest, when we went anywhere...like the Von Trapp whistles.

Where did you attend school?
I first went to school in Burford in Ontario (Canada), then Elementary, Junior
High and High School in Rapid City, South Dakota, then Salt Lake Community
College in Salt Lake City and Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah.

What subjects did you like in school?
I was fascinated with almost any subject. My problem is the structured class; I
can read a whole textbook and take a final exam in 3 days. Our classes lasted
for 3 months. I can be impatient. I really liked my computer classes in the 80s
when "Windows" came out, and especially real estate law... in fact I'm going to a seminar at UCLA School of Law on April 9, 2011.

What you study in College?
I actually didn't finish. I studied real estate, statistics, family law and computer science.

What career path have you chosen?
My first job out of college was working for AIS, worked my way up from data entry to Assistant VP of operations for our Seattle/SLC/Denver offices, with 16-18 hour days, and a great salary, of course. I was a lead researcher for Fidelity
Information Systems, only to be replaced by the cheaper Phillipines and India work mills. Previous to that I worked for the Federal Reserve Bank writing training manuals, and I worked as their information security liaison-reconciler. I'm self-employed now, but it’s very tough in this economy. I have two businesses, Desert Power LLC, and My New Blinds.

Have you had any counseling for being adopted?

Not specifically for being adopted. Therapy, group sessions, AA, even seminars are all good ways to understand and improve yourself. Actually no one tells you you've been robbed of your identity. But yes I would recommend therapy, especially for older adoptees who remember their past. I would recommend therapy to deal with dynamics of the parent/child non-biological relationship, how to verbalize, how to ask, tell, state your wants, needs, desires, how to operate as a human being. Non-biological parents don't understand you and you don't understand them; each person should understand this and have tools to communicate.

Did you feel injury or trauma or isolation?
No. I was taken away from abuse, neglect, malnutrition from those who injured and traumatized me, a child only 1-3 years old, long before the age of reason. I
think as an adoptee, isolation comes with the new territory. It becomes the new
normal because there is no biological connection. Sure, I tried to read, do
sports, swim, run, bike, hike, etc. Yes, I am still alone. But now I enjoy
being alone. I also have chosen my own friends and support group who I can and do call on when we need and want to be around each other.

Many adoptees have admitted they have issues with bonding and low self-esteem. Has being adopted affected your ability to trust and love?
Very good question. Bonding? I choose who I can bond with and made many platonic friendships easily. My best friend and I have been friends for 26 years and talk at least twice a day in addition to texting, emailing and facebook.
Low self-esteem? I really don't understand that. Perhaps this doesn't apply to me. Yes, I have low moments and recognize them. If I need help getting out of my funk, I have mentors, friends, AA, to bounce things off. By the way, on the AA thing, my older sister Sheila had to go to AA so when I was younger, I went
with her for something to do...I still go on occasion... last weekend I went to
an AA meeting. Trust? I trust my true friends, support group people I choose to love above anyone else. Love? Intimacy I never learned. We Morrill’s never hugged, kissed or any of that until I was in 12th grade. We got therapy to teach us - this coming from a father with a bachelor’s degree in psychology.

Have you made contact with your tribal relatives?
I found them because when I was studying at BYU in 1984, I met Leanne Begay from Ganado, Arizona and she knew several people in my Kirk family. The following summer a friend and I went to Ganado to visit my mother’s uncle, John Kirk. He took the place of father when my grandfather abandoned them. I also met John’s wife Ruth Shirley Kirk. Both spoke only Navajo so my cousin Calvin Kirk interpreted....it was awkward for me since I only spoke English and French.

Did Dine relatives help you readjust?
I'm still reacquainting. Most relatives went to boarding schools off the rez; some lived in Wisconsin, Oklahoma, New York, Los Angeles, all over. I think culture
remains on the rez. Overall they haven't shared that with me. From another perspective, the government’s assimilation and boarding schools were successful in hurting culture. Back in 1985, I went back for a day, and they did kill a sheep; the women cooked and we men ate first. I assumed it was customary. I treated it like a formality.

Have you been to pow wows, socials and ceremonies?
Just pow wows put on by Brigham Young University’s Lamanite Generation.  According to the Book of Mormon, a Lamanite is a member of a dark-skinned
nation of Indigenous Americans that battled with the light-skinned Nephite nation. I really do not which tribes were representative of the Lamanite Generation at BYU.

Have you thought about taking back your name?
Well, actually I've kidded over the years, Kirk is easier than Morrill. After all
those “Moral jokes,” I'd rather be Captain Kirk.

Do you have a photo of your birthmother? What do you know about her?
I did once. There was only one photo and I lost it in a move. A box went missing
with my memories and that was in the box. I looked stunningly like her. I have
my father's crooked smile, if it was him in the picture. I had that picture
less than a year, back in 1985. I know statistical things about her, where she
went to boarding school, her social security number, birthdate and date of
death. I know where she died, and approximately where she is buried.

Is it possible your dad was also Navajo?
Anything is possible. I've heard he's San Felipe Pueblo and San Domingo Pueblo, too.

Relatives said you had a brother? What do you know about him?
His name: Christopher Kirk. He was younger, and he died. That's it. I never saw a picture, so I don’t know what he looked like. But strangely I have feelings for
him. It’s like something is missing. I’ve grieved for him. WHY? I haven't a
clue.

Have you thought about living on your rez?
No, not really. I might if I could design programs that would help my nation, such as writing and research, something useful. Oddly I could do everything I'm
doing now on my rez.

Do you have a relationship with your adoptive parents now?
Yes, it comes and goes. It's not the same as a biological connection. It takes work and maintenance over and above what Kaelyn and Shelly take for granted being their biological kids.  

What about contact with your siblings?
I talk, facebook, text everyone except my one sister Debbie.

Was it difficult to discuss adoption growing up?
We didn't discuss adoption at all. We were kept busy at all times. We just never
brought it up; it was never talked about.

At what age did you realize what adoption really meant?
I understood some Indians at church were foster children and went home to their
parents. I stayed with Stan and Gwena. At 10-11 years old, I truly understood.

Did you hear derogatory terms about Indians from your parents or other people?
Not from my parents. From others, yes. We grew up in all white neighborhoods, went to all white schools. I just dealt with it. I had good friends who took care of
me. I found this out at my ten year high school class reunion.

Have relatives taught you language and are you going to learn more?
No they haven't. Many of the Kirks speak English. I've been learning some words on YouTube... some white friends are now greeting me with Ya at ahee, which makes us all laugh.

Were you closer to any siblings more than others?
Yes. We have two sides to our family, the American side and the Canadian side. The seven Canadians are all from one family. They all have their own way of
communicating. The Americans: Kaelyn, Shelly (the Morrill natural kids), Ginny,
me and Shaun all hang out together more. Shaun and I run My New Blinds business together. We are the tricksters, the jokers and tend to keep the family lively. He just broke into mom’s Facebook account and sent out some hilarious
commentary. Ginny and I are like twins. We read each other and know what the
other thinks. We were adopted together on July 15, 1971. I am the "peacemaker" in our family. I can speak to anyone, and I do. I can be the most candid and talk about what most would prefer not to, with ease. I bring out why certain people in our family don't talk to others.  

Was there any abuse in your family?
With the Morrill’s, it was just old fashioned punishment with a belt or a switch; with them there was no sparing the rod. But we're all alive and we've all dealt with what we considered abusive. With the Kirks, I was malnourished and weighed (at most) 30 pounds when I became a foster child. Those severe burns, I have the skin grafts to prove it; I had two broken arms. My right eye still gets tired easily ... something that was wrong before my adoption. There was no sexual abuse, but we did run away... constantly.

Where are your a-parents?
They live in Draper, Utah.

Did your siblings have any success finding their tribal relatives?
Yes, all of them. I am the last one. My search was the hardest because I was an
orphan and undocumented.

You had your wallet and identification stolen. What happened when you
went to replace it?
The California Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) said I needed a state-issued birth certificate because of the new Real ID Act of 200, it’s a post-9-11 act. I still had my old Utah driver’s license so in May 2010, I went to the Utah DMV and received a temporary driver’s license using my adoption papers, social security card, and my Mormon baptismal record. For any new driver’s license, you’ll need an original birth certificate. I don’t have that. Not many adoptees do. I found out states will only issue a temporary driver’s license or temporary identification card which is what I have now. The temporary is good for a period of one year.
Hopefully my Facebook page, Change for Native Americans Affected by THE REAL ID ACT of 2005, will help. In early 2010, I e-mailed Representative F. James Sensenbrenner (R-WI) to explain how “H.R. 419 The Real ID ACT of 2005” is affecting me and how it could affect other Native adoptees. When we apply for an id or driver’s license, we will no longer qualify. So far, Rep. Sensenbrenner’s office has not replied. Once a temporary license expires, Native American adoptees, me included, become undocumented, thus illegal with no papers.
After 22 years, I now have a copy of the State of Arizona “Certificate of No Birth,” issued on December 21, 2010, after I did continuous research beginning September 07, 1989. With the help of close friends, family, people willing to help, using my own financing and tens of thousands of dollars later, I now have my State of Arizona “Certificate of No Birth” and a second six-month temporary driver’s license expiring July 13, 2011. Then my United States of America citizenship expires.

UPDATE: Leland met recently with Chai Feldblum, the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commissioner, to discuss the Real ID Act of 2005. He explained, “We discussed how it affects Native Americans who are adopted out of their respective tribes without a birth certificate, Census number, or Certificate of Indian Blood. When the Final Decree of Adoption does not state our biological parent name(s), birth date, birth place, or census number, it’s separating the adoptee from their birthright and now it affects our employment, creating a sub-class of unemployable "former" US Citizens who now are forced to find their way back to their respective tribal heritage. With 22+ years of advocating for
adoptees, I am now in process of writing an Amendment to The Real ID Act of 2005 with Ms. Feldblum.  She will present it and talk to the author of The Real ID Act, Jim Sensenbrenner (R-Wisconsin).”

FMI: REAL ID ACT link: http://www.gpo.gov/fdsys/pkg/BILLS-109hr418rfs/pdf/BILLS-109hr418rfs.pdf

Trace is an adoptee who does not have her original birth certificate from the state of Minnesota where she was born but an amended (fake) birth certificate listing her adopted parents as her natural parents in Wisconsin. Trace lives in Massachusetts and will be publishing Two Worlds in June 2011 with Patricia Busbee.  Lee Morrill’s story will be in the new book.

Leland Morrill (Navajo) met recently with Chai Feldblum, U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity
Commissioner (at left), to discuss the Real ID Act of 2005 and how it affects Native Americans who are adopted without an original birth certificate, census number, or certificate of Indian blood. Lack of documentation now affects employment, Morrill said, creating a sub-class of "former" US Citizens who are unable to get work without a state issued driver’s license. Morrill, who is an adoptee, and Feldblum are writing an amendment and will present it to Real ID Act of 2005 author, Jim Sensenbrenner (R-Wisconsin).”

Tend to the soul

By Trace Hentz (blog editor)

I recently created a better balance in my life. Since 2004, I had one focus and little else: adoption.
Now there are days when I do not think about being an adoptee or monitor the business of adoption. Instead I tend to the soul. I did this by creating a new environment. I play music, watch movies and read books for the pure joy. I have been dumping old papers and clearing space, creating a more joyful place to sit, read and write. I listen to NPR each day. All this feeds me.
If you’d noticed, I was all about adoption…deeply immersed. And it served me well. I birthed articles in 2005, created this blog in 2009 and published a memoir in 2010.

Finally I have a new identity – one who is well-adjusted and happily complete; one who met her makers and know who they are. Everyone in my life has brought me to this place in my life. It is a momentous time when the split-feathers are joined. The splits in my life were disjointed emotions, painful ideas and dreadful disappointments. After 50 years of trying to understand the people who made me and raised me, the weaving of me is now complete. I am no longer defined by what I did not know but rather what I do know. I see all my experiences for their important lessons. I searched for my answers and I found them. I feel more present, more alive. I greet every sunrise and sunset with gratitude.

There is a presence in my life now that was not so evident before. Even the internet reconnected parts of my injured soul. I made many new friends; they healed my heart. Their art, writing, blogs and poetry are food for my soul.

As an orphan-child I had no control over what was happening to me, so I spun out of control. Being split was the only way to handle it. I was on a very disturbing emotional journey that I would not wish for anyone. Many things I could not control, and the people who controlled my path did not respect or see what I truly needed. I had to be very patient and grow strong enough to see the point. I learned what control means. Now I can see how many laws and moral judgments controlled all my parents and formed their opinions which informed their decisions.

My mother Helen was cruelly judged as a young woman and she was unable to keep me. She named me Laura Jean Thrall. This was all she could give when I came into the world. I read about her experience in my adoption file. Her story changed me. It opened me. I could not love her more. I completely understand what she had to go through, even though she was not able to tell me or meet with me. I no longer grieve this.

It seems funny to say this but I had to learn how to choose. I had not been given choices for such a long time, deep down I did not know or believe that I could make good choices. Now I know I can. I can create and do whatever I want. I can heal myself. I choose what to feel and what to let go. My feelings of being powerless are gone.

On other days, adoption work is all I do: I read blogs, read Facebook, read news, plus I am working on BOOK 2 called “Two Worlds.” I have met more new adoptees since my radio interview with Jay Nighthawk in Washington DC on January 7th.

This work feeds my soul that yearns for justice for all Native American adoptees. I do this work with a purpose: to open sealed adoption records so that others can feel complete and make their journey. I teach this story so it will never happen again. I will continue to help others make their reunions with tribal family a reality.

I have two readings coming up, one in February and one in March (2011).  

There is a Lakota saying, Mitakuye Oyasin, which means “we are all related.” 

This is a very powerful statement concerning our small planet, how we are all interconnected and woven into one world. I pray one day the entire world will see every child is sacred and closed adoptions will be a thing of the past. I pray every mother can raise her own child because family and community will support her. I pray for every adoptee still in pain and searching. I pray for those parents who lost their child because of poverty, powerlessness and oppression. If one suffers, we all suffer. We are all woven in this one web, one world. We are all related.

An Interview with Mary Weilding of ICARE: MAKING MIRACLES

My interview with Mary Weilding, founder of ICARE, one of the first adoption registries in the United States, based in Wisconsin.

How did you come to choose the name ICARE, the Wisconsin Adoptee-Birth Family Registry?

Mary Weilding: It describes me. It also stands for Independent Confidential Adoption Research Efforts.

When it was founded?
MW: 1980

What was the main objective?
MW: To reunite those in search and end their inner pain at no cost to them.

Are you adopted?
MW: No. I am a birthmother.

Did people mail you requests before the website was up?
MW: Yes, and word spread by mouth who sent more people my way.

Tell us about you and this search registry?
MW: I have devoted 30 years to helping others, before and during the ICARE Registry. I have reunited 1000's of people over the years. I say touched their lives. I did the Pilot TV episode search for “Find My Family” on ABC. I have reunited people of all walks of life and professions, including I helped to find my doctor's sister for her. I am a Birthmother and know the pain we feel/felt. I understand adoptees, having found my own birthdaughter first.

How many family members have you helped?
MW: Over the years I never kept a count. Success was far more important than keeping numbers. Once a search was completed, I always felt the file findings were theirs and I never kept duplicate copies. They were private and confidential, belonging to the person I was helping.

Do you have a few reunions that stand out in your memory?
MW: The best is Kevin who ICARE REGISTRY is dedicated. I did the eulogy at his funeral.

Mary, you’ve been doing this work 30 years?
MW: Yes, finding my birthdaughter first and then realizing the methods (ALWAYS legal) would work for anyone.

What lead you to start a registry for others?
MW: It was a quicker easier way to reunite others without financial cost to them. MANY reunions have occurred because of ICARE REGISTRY.

Do you do this with a team of people?
MW: I worked alone most of the time with help now and then from my daughter. Over the 30 years I was able to establish contacts (other Searchers) in all States except North Dakota. I was helping them for free and they did the same for me. I was always trying to hold costs down for Adoptee or Birthmother. I never felt the need to make a living and only charged expenses. We accepted donations, which often helped if someone else couldn't afford even a tank of gas or reimbursement.

Are you working from an office or home?
MW: HOME.

Are you supported by advertising?
MW: No. I only charged what it cost me. Often over the years I got stiffed because I trusted too much, giving the information then waiting for reimbursement. As recently as my 2nd to the last search, I didn’t get reimbursed. But someone else will come along and send in a donation, making up for the one who didn't. I think it all worked out in the end. Even if it didn't, I will never know because I didn't keep track. I left it up to God to guide me in giving..... It was a no-pay position, often unappreciated and taken advantage of, which reminds me of many mothers. :)

You did not make an income from all this work?
MW: No, I really didn't but as one grateful person said Sunday night after matching a Registry reunion, “…another jewel in your crown when you reach Heaven. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.” OMG… that sounded so wonderful to my ears. I felt so good inside. Reuniting two people and never leaving my chair!!!!

I have been asked many times--what can an adoptee do when their records are sealed?
MW: Contact the State Search Program or contact a Judge for a court order.

If an adoptee wants to find their natural mother in Wisconsin, what do they do?
MW: Contact the Wisconsin State Search Program but the adoptee will have to pay $75 per hour and accept results based on Wisconsin laws in regard to release of information. The birthmother must be willing and sign an “Affidavit of Consent” when she is contacted. Or if an adoptee has their Adoption Social History from the State of Wisconsin - a separate charge - and with enough clues... I can do the search for my expenses. There is NO provision in the Wisconsin State Search Program for Birthmothers but that's ok. I can do those or guide them to do their own. Of the 72 counties in Wisconsin, 64 are searchable.

Do you work in other states?
MW: I mostly refer to other State Searchers or work through them to do a search.

As a search angel, and if you've been doing this 30 years, you are among the first ever.
MW: Yes, and proud of it!!!

Did you read about Florence Fisher and ALMA or other notable adoptees when you started?
MW: Yes. I read anything and everything I could find.

It's tremendously important people utilize the search angels and registries.
MW: I agree. Post everywhere you can and as often as you can. Utilize the State Search Program if you can afford it. Contact everyone you can find in the movement. Ask for help. Offer to help. Do what you can for legwork to keep costs down.

Do you have someone running the website in your absence?
MW: YES...two other people whom I trust to match have access and free rein.

Did ABC’s “Find My Family” television show utilize your services and your contacts when they were producing their program? Why do you think the program disappeared?
MW: ABC only had a 6-week slot to fill after “Dancing with the Stars” concluded. “Find my Family” got those slots. I am hoping for its return as all the reviews were favorable.

Have others mentioned your work with ICARE?
MW: I did the pilot show for “Find My Family.” I am referenced in two privately written books and adoption blue books, adoption sites, etc. I had three featured newspaper articles about me.

Do you believe lawmakers are going to wake up and open adoption records in Wisconsin?
MW: Yes...but not in my life time. I am 65 and have terminal cancer. Hopefully within the next 10 years.

What can we do to speed up the lawmakers?
MW: Keep nagging your State Representatives. Keep it alive on Facebook or wherever… tell them your plight and your need to KNOW.

Have you done any campaigns for opening sealed adoption files?
MW: I lobbied and testified at every hearing in Madison, Wisconsin concerning adoption over the years and I got what we do have with the State Search Program. I asked for the Sun.... and settled for the moon.

From the ICARE website:
To Searching Adoptees without Birth name:  We suggest that you contact the State of Wisconsin Search Program. When doing so, you will receive a Search Packet that must be filled out and returned by you. The packet will detail your options, whether it is just requesting your Medical/Genetic/and Birth family Social History or asking the State to actually do your Search and contact your Birth Mother to see if she is receptive to having contact with you. There is a fee for their service. Be sure and ask up front what will be required of you so that you will know what to anticipate. You may qualify for a reduced rate based on need. Please inquire. You can make your initial request for a Search Packet to:

Adoption Records Search Program
P.O. Box 8916
Madison, WI 53708-8916
(608) 266-7163
E-mail - schwelm@dhfs.state.wi.us

Include your adoptive name, DOB, Adoptive parents names, place of birth, a current phone number, your current address, and the Agency that handled your Adoption, if known. Tell them ICARE referred you to them. Should they complete your search for you, let us know the results so we can post accordingly. Good Luck!

Visit ICARE at http://www.icareregistry.com/start.asp.


I wish to thank Mary Weilding for her many miracles and her tireless work on behalf of adoptees and birthmothers. Mary, you are appreciated more than you know. You are a true hero and inspiration to me.