Real Talk with Denver7 & CPR News, Episode 61: Adoption and name changes

Adoptees should be able to annul their relationship with their adoptive parents

Adults deserve the right to decide whether or not to honor the contract that binds them to an adoptive family

Children have no say in their adoption as minors, but they should as adults. Photograph: Tatjana Alvegard/Getty Images

 

4 August 2015 | Kaye Pearse | GUARDIAN

Like approximately 5 million other Americans, I’m adopted. As a child, my biological parents gave me up to other people to raise. The subject of the contract between my adoptive parents and the state – me – didn’t agree to anything. I had no more say in the matter than my house did when I signed a contract to buy it.

Still, the public perception is that adoption is always a good thing – that it’s always in the best interest of the child, and that everyone lives happily ever after. But many adoptions don’t work out for a number of reasons: a mismatch of personalities, parental inability to love someone else’s child, outright dislike of the child by one or both parents.

When an adoption goes bad, like mine did, adoptive parents have options to end the relationship. Some parents have put children on an airplane alone and sent them back to their home countries. Other parents turn to a shadowy underground network to “re-home” their children with strangers. But if an adoptee wants to get out of an adoptive relationship, the only option is to be adopted by another adult – even if the adoptee is an adult.

This doesn’t make sense; adoptees should, upon reaching adulthood, have the absolute right to annul the adoption if desired.

Look at it this way: suppose you got married and it didn’t work out. You file divorce papers and are told that the only way you can divorce spouse number one is to marry somebody else. Sounds unfair, right? But once you’re adopted, you’re adopted forever – whether or not you want to maintain a familial relationship with the people who adopted you. That’s not fair either.

I already hear people arguing that non-adopted people can’t end their relationship with their parents. But that’s not really true. Children can apply for early emancipation, or they can find another adult to adopt them no matter how old they are.

Annulling an adoption does present logistical problems, because states require that a parent be listed on the birth certificate. And, when my adoption was finalized, my original birth certificate was permanently altered: the state erased the names of my genetic parents and replaced them with the names of the people who adopted me. My original birth certificate and all my adoption records were sealed by the State of California which, to this day, denies me access to that documentation even though my birth parents are deceased.

If one or both biological parents are willing to re-assume that role in an adoptee’s paperwork, then it should be easy to just discard the revised version and revert to the original – but it’s not. And if neither biological parent wishes to be re-listed, then adult adoptees should have the right to simply be listed as parentless. I’d be satisfied with “unknown” or “none”. And, moving forward, states should consider not altering birth certificates at all and instead just issue adoptive parents an “Adoption Decree” that can be easily voided with a court filing.

Logistical problems notwithstanding, adult adoptees deserve the right to decide whether or not to honor the contract that binds them to an adoptive family. If adoptive parents didn’t uphold the “parents” part, they shouldn’t get to keep a legal connection with the kids that they failed. There needs to be an easy, standard way for adopted children to annul those relationships.

Help for Minnesota Adoptees (I am one, too)

I am an adoptee who was born in Minnesota in 1956.
When I was searching, I did call Catholic Charities since they handled my adoption. This was in the late 1970s and they, of course, were shocked I was asking for my birth certificate and wanting to know who my parents were. They didn't slam down the phone but they were no help at all - but times have changed somewhat since then and this is the  link  to contact Minnesota for access to your birth records and birth certificate.
It is "conditional" access - which means your birthparent has had to file a consent form - and if they have done that, the adoptee will be able to have a certified copy of the original birth records. (read below)
You can check my blog here about what was in my adoption file from Wisconsin; the judge ordered an investigation before my adoption was finalized and the investigator had to get a copies of my files which listed days spent in a Minnesota Catholic orphanage, other records from Minnesota, my foster care address in Wisconsin - prior to my being legally adopted. (Yes, states did transfer children around like Minnesota-Wisconsin-Illinois). I was born in MN but adopted in Wisconsin - which meant I had two places to look. A Wisconsin judge let me read my files in 1979.
In 2010, I did contact Minnesota to request a copy of my original birth certificate. Because records are still sealed, they said NO. My birthmother Helen died in 2007, so she obviously will not ever give her consent.
This also presents a problem since the government will be refusing to give certain people with strange-looking birth certificates a driver's license in the not-too-distant future. (REAL ID ACT OF 2005)
My friends at Soaring Angels on Yahoo Groups (search angels for adoptees & birthfamilies) posted this so I wanted to share it with adoptees who need help in Minnesota!

Access to Original Birth Record in MN


A child, age 19 or older who was adopted, may request a non-certified copy of the original birth record. To request a non-certified copy, complete the Adoptee's Request for Original Birth Record Information and Search for Affidavit of Disclosure or Non-Disclosure( Interactive PDF: 60KB/1 page)
<http://www.health. state.mn. us/divs/chs/ osr/disclosesear chnew.pdf> . 
Mail the completed form with a fee of $13 to the Minnesota Department of Health, Central Cashiering - Vital Records, P.O. Box 64499, St. Paul, Minnesota 55164-0499.

If a birth parent has given permission to release the original birth information to the child, MDH will send the child a non-certified copy of the original birth record. If no Affidavit of Disclosure or Non-Disclosure
has been filed, MDH will notify the child that a non-certified copy of the original birth record cannot be released at this time. MDH will also notify the Department of Human Services for the purpose of conducting a search for
the birth parent(s) according to Minnesota Statutes, section 259.89. The search may take up to six months. MDH will contact the child when the search is complete.

Searches for Information about Siblings or Parents who were Adopted
The Minnesota Department of Health does not retain adoption information. The Office of the State Registrar retains:

1) current birth records that include the post adoption names of adopted persons and their adopted parents; and
2) the original birth record that includes original birth information.

The original birth record may be released only:

1) by court order
2) to the adopted person if the parent(s) named on the original birth record have been given permission; or
3) to a parent named on the original birth record.

Other than releasing the original birth record as described above, the Office of the State Registrar does not provide post adoption services and cannot help with searches for information about siblings or parents. If you are looking for information about a sibling or a parent who was adopted, please contact the adoption agency or the Minnesota Department of Human Services at 651-431-4682 or write to: Minnesota Department of Human Services, Child Safety and Permanency Division, Adoption Assitance Program, P.O. Box 64944, St. Paul, MN 55164-0944.

Navajo Elder gets birth certificate at 74

Click here for the story about the Elder...

Thanks to my Dine brother Leland Morrill for sharing this. S

everal of us adoptees are in for a shock (as if we aren't already in shock!) when we go to apply for a new driver's license in the USA. If we cannot supply an original birth certificate, they can deny us. It happened to Leland, who was adopted by Mormons. (His story is posted on my blog here and he is also a contributor in the new book "Two Worlds."
Leland has taught me so much about the Real ID Act of 2005 - which forgot to take into account many Native adoptees have amended (fake) birth records or no birth certificate.

So, please leave a comment if you are having issues with getting a new driver's license. There ought to be a class action lawsuit over this one, eh?

Read Leland's blog: http://amiauscitizennavajo.blogspot.com/

Google: Real ID ACT of 2005 if you need more information...

Trace Hentz (blog editor)