By Trace Hentz (Blog Editor)
Back in December I lost Oglala relative Ellowyn Locke, age 68. Lost
in the way that I can't go visit her in Porcupine on the Pine Ridge
reservation in South Dakota or call her on the phone. I can only visit
her in dreams. I can reread her letters. Her artist brother Merle told
me I can bring a red rose to her grave then I will feel better.
I am not doing well at all, grieving the most important friend I ever had.
Yes,
I have memories, her teaching me, teasing me, photos and all the
stories. I also have many gifts she made me. My ONE SMALL SACRIFICE
book cover has the family beadwork Ellowyn sewed on the doll she gifted
me.
Years ago, I bought a hand bag that had Hopi dancers on a
bright turquoise fabric to give to Ellowyn. I made the mistake of
taking the purse when we went to visit Sara Thunder Hawk. Of course
Sara really admired the purse and I knew I should give it to her, but I
already planned to give to Ellowyn. I felt so horrible I couldn't give
it to Sara. I had brought gifts for Sara but I knew that purse was what
she wanted. I prayed and prayed Sara would forgive me! That was my
learning experience. Imagine the most precious thing you own - like a
ring. Could you give it up? If a Lakota elder likes it, you give it to
them. That is what
we
do... Material objects are never as important as giving. I could never
refuse a gift either, like when Ellowyn gave me moccasins, even though
they were too big. It would hurt her deeply if I refused them. I
learned to bring a load of gifts every time I went to see my relatives
and my car would be full when I left to go back home.
In 2015, I
couldn't reach her by phone and panicked. Ellowyn had been taken to a
rehab facility after breaking her ankle. By 2016, she was the longest
living dialysis patient on their rez - over 10 long years. I have
photos of her on dialysis in Wounded Knee from an earlier trip (top photo). My
relative had the will to live but her body was getting weak. She said
repeatedly she would accept a new kidney if the donor was living but
that wasn't likely to happen. That call never came.
On the phone
in 2016, I told her I was not ready for her to die. That was selfish of
me, I know. I felt bad when I said it. Like a big sister, she talked
to me about all the fun we had... all the years and stories.. so she
comforted me!
Here's a story I wrote about her life in 2007...
here
I
call Ellowyn Strong Walking Woman, Winyan Washaka Mani. She is very
strong and cares deeply for her family, her relatives and her tribe.
Ellowyn
taught me the most important thing I know, which is Mitakuye Oyasin,
which translates to we are all related, and relatives.
Pilamaye, thank you for letting me speak about family. I thank my relative Ellowyn for naming me and for making me her relative.
I thank you all for reading this blog American Indian Adoptees. AHO!
