I’ve always dreamt in Indian. Vivid, lucid, in color and shaded with
symbols. One evening night quest, my body was carried in a stream. The water above and below me flowed horizontally from my head toward my toes. However, my body was carried in a current of
its own and moving me ahead. As
I approached a steep hill, I began to struggle. My brief panic subsided when I chose not to lose my strength fighting the
elements I could not control. I reached deep in cool water with both hands. Waiting below were fish who sucked on my
fingers and pulled me the rest of the way home. I think I am a Salmon. Instinctively, I was called home.
In the year of 2014 I located my cousins and my Koyukon
Athabascan tribe. I was welcomed with tears. Even
first cousin Barb felt like she needed to have a baby shower. When my tax return came in February 2015, the first thing I did was make
reservations from Los Angeles to Fairbanks, Alaska and a second reservation with a bush plane
to fly me to the Village of Koyukuk, AK. The Native Village
of Koyukuk lies where the Koyukuk river meets the Yukon. About 300 miles from Fairbanks. No running water to the cabins. No
roads in and out.
I landed in Fairbanks at 12 a.m. The summer sun still shown
during mid-July midnight. I was met with
an aunt and several cousins. As I came
down the escalator from the terminal, I was welcomed with Athabascan singing,
tears and hugs. My first cousin LaVern
opened her house to me and organized a family reunion for the next evening;
Barb took the day off work to spend with me. I had my first ever family reunion with people
related to me, my first native food and first stories of my father's life.
A day later LaVerne flew with me into Koyukuk, where my
father lived and died on the river. I cannot begin to explain my emotions at this time. I cried real tears. Tears I could not control. I had emotions and questions overcoming my sense of self. Anxiety set in. I began to ask myself… am I crazy? What
the hell am I doing flying over 2k miles and into the interior of Alaska on a bush plane to meet people and see a way of life that my
DNA says I am half of? I am nuts?
I was crying inside the plane before I even exited. My heart beating fast and I could feel it. I could see my first cousin Marylin. I could see Marilyn was just as scared as I
was. I could see people arriving to meet the plane on their quads and in
trucks. Even the unleashed dogs came to welcome.
Lump in my throat, crying and shaking I got out of the
plane. I embraced Marilyn first. Then the rest of the group. One by one they hugged me, introduced
themselves and welcomed me "home."
They held a huge banner which read “Welcome” and once again
I was serenaded with beautiful voices singing in Athabascan.
During my stay, I got to see cuzns LaVern and Peter catch
Salmon on the Yukon. While seining, I was reminded of my dream. I thank the spirit of the Salmon for guiding
me home and providing food for our people. I want to go back home now even stronger than
before.
I know now first-hand what I am missing and what has been imprinted in me for many generations. My DNA...my endless imprint from past, present to future which still calls me home.It is this present generation of Native adoptees who need to continue to find our way home. It is you, it is me. We must follow our instinct and swim upstream. Some of us make it, some won't but you still need to keep swimming. If you don't fight back, the predators win.
It's in our DNA and a matter of survival for Natives today and future generations. Trust the forces that pull you through to carry us home. Keep swimming upstream for yourself and all adoptees.
