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| Happened in Atlanta in 2013 |
The following excerpt is from the blog THE LIFE OF VON: http://eagoodlife.wordpress.com/2013/08/16/large-charismatic-animals/
I have always found zoos tragic and distressing; perhaps the dislocation
of those wonderful animals and birds, their imprisonment in lives not
of their choosing or making, in enclosures that can never, ever
replicate where they came from, reminds me of adoption.
We hear the same
stories of ‘orphan saving’ and excuses for what in the harsh light of
day is greed and the bending of others to the will of the ones with
money and power, control and influence.
Yet again we are being instructed how to behave! I could bring you many
quotes. Most of you adoptees have heard it all before and are weary of
the tiresome instructions. This time it is around the concept of
ownership of adoptees by adopters.
A dear fellow adoptee writes: “For many adoptive parents, they still do not get it: you do not OWN us,
nor will you ever own us, make us your own, or become our ‘real’
parents.” (Von is referring to my post:
here)
She was instructed not to speak for us all and is told not
lump us in a group of all adoptees, whatever that means. We adoptees
belong to the Bastard Nation, even those of us who were the offspring of
parents who later married or who were married. We were ‘illegitimised’
in order for our adopters to ‘legitimise’ us with their name, our
adoption and the erasure of our history, which was replaced with theirs.
Some of us were commodified, sold and bought for large sums of money.
No-one questioned that, it was accepted, part of adoption and it seems
it is still accepted as ‘normal’ to pay large sums of money for
children, but refuse to believe that means a commercial transaction has
taken place. We are bought and sold, some of us are trafficked, stolen,
kidnapped, traded for increasingly larger sums of money, as we make our
way up the food chain.
We see time and time again adopters who have spent the money and feel
‘entitled’, to what it is not quite certain, but certainly it seems to
the life of the adoptee, to the adoptee’s presence in their lives, to
have ‘naming rights’ and to direct the life story of the adoptee. We so
often see adopters who want to keep on directing the life of the adoptee
in reunion. I could quote hundreds of examples of adult adoptees who
are constrained from reunion with their biological families because
*they are not told they are adopted
*they don’t believe they have the right
*they are fearful of hurting their adopters
*they are afraid of losing both families
*they are threatened and blackmailed by their adopters
*they are encouraged to experience guilt for wanting to know who they are
*they are told they will lose everything
*they are encouragd to believe it is ‘either/or’ and that they can’t have both families
Because the need to know who we are and our identity is not about
curiosity, but much, much more, many adoptees take the risks put in
their way and find that the threats were real. It seems adopters are not
only threateners, but feel very threatened by adoptees’ biology, our
need to see our people, to know them and to make sense of that part of
our lives before adoption. Our identity is about us, each of us makes it
up as we go along, we weave a tapestry of the threads of our history,
we become who we are and we are not owned as adults by anyone, our
family is who we chose it to be.
If you are lucky and have raised us to be compassionate, inclusive and
you have been open about adoption, encouraging and supportive of our
exploration of who we are and generous and accepting in wishing us to
have the most complete life possible, you may find yourself part of our
family still.
Those who have not dealt effectively with their feelings
about infertility, the fertility of non-biological members of the
family, the presence in life of a mother and father who are the
biological parents, the concept of life before adoption for the
adoptee/s, the presence of trauma, loss, ambiguous loss for the
adoptee/s, and who have not learned all they can about the effects of
adoption, the monetary and political aspects of adoption may find
hurdles and handicaps, stumbling blocks and difficulties getting in the
way, making relationships unrewarding, hard to develop and maintain.
However you have raised us, whatever you paid for us, whatever you feel
about us, you will never own us or our history or our story.
And you might like to check this out if you haven’t already –
http://danielibnzayd.wordpress.com/the-adoption-honesty-project
We live in 2013...there is no excuse for those who adopt babies and children not to know our adoptee experience and harsh opinions...Until adoption is abolished or reinvented to respect our human rights, we will blog our strong opinions... Trace
This winter we will make history again with a new anthology of Native
adoptee voices from across North America. Thousands upon thousands of us
were placed in adoptions and lost to our tribal families and
communities because of the Indian Adoption Project and ARENA and
stranger adoptions.
Read more about these programs and the congressional history of the Indian Child Welfare Act here.
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Cherokee membership has nothing to do with blood quantum and they do not receive money for being native. The Capobianco's gambled on the father's never knowing the outcome. During the pregnancy, he and his family made several attempts to reach the birth mother with no success. She instructed the hospital to place her on a list where her or the baby's presence were unreachable - like no newspaper announcement of the birth. However, she invited total strangers to leave the state with her newborn child. Four months later, as the birth father prepared to leave the country on military duty, he is approached to sign acceptance of service papers. Our single service men and women sign many required documents including assigning custody to the other parent before leaving is standard practice. My own son had to sign similar documents along with having child support automatically sent each month electronically. This young birth father signed a similar document - he thought. When the process server tells him what he really signed, he began legal proceedings then to gain custody of his daughter.
Even the Capobianco's signed a court document a few months later acknowledging his Cherokee heritage. Even Brown's former wife is speaking favorably that he is a good father and financially supports their daughter. Not sure where you got your info, but check again.
Moving forward, the Capobianco's arrival in Tulsa this week was a big media joke. They setup a press conference the next morning in an expensive hotel with a new crew and many cameras following them all day. Anyone can see they're trying to sway public opinion t their side, but it doing the opposite. To top things off, the "mediator" they bring is not qualified to use the title! This article doesn't mention that when he approached the Brown's living quarters, he had a camera crew with him ready to go. He is creating a documentary on the whole Baby Veronica ordeal. Although he said he had no intentions of filming the interview, why did he take a camera crew. Our Cherokee Nation Martials delivered his note to Mr Brown then escorted him off the school property.
During the same afternoon, Mr Brown offered them to visit Veronica, but they refused. Instead they filed yet one more lawsuit. Oh, and lets not forget their "friend" as announced at the press conference who is conveniently the president of her own marketing, PR, and social media firm. Now, is it Ms Munday or the Capobianco's that have created the media frenzy? None of the news is told from Mr Brown's side, only the Capobianco's. Who is trying to make Veronica the media's new toy?
I was glad to see the Brown's not bring the child to either courthouse today. They are protecting her in her own best interests. Look at the photo for this article if you don't believe me. They cannot stay in their own home because of the Capabianco's love affair with the media. Thank God for a smart Oklahoma judge who put a gag order on this case today.
Oh, according to Mr Brewster, the trumped up charge by the SC law enforcement has nothing to do with this situation. Have you read the law? How can someone steal their own child when they already have custody? It's all they can come up with.
Lastly, while the father may not fall under ICWA, the child does. The Cherokee Nation will always take care of its own and Veronica is a Cherokee Citizen. I am hopeful that the Capobianco's will realize their gamble did not pay off. When the SC court sent the child home with her father, jurisdiction transferred to OK. What right does the SC court to finalized the adoption of a child that is not nor has been in the adoptive physical custody for half it's life?
Mr Brown has financially supported both his children, they formed a relationship, and Veronica is and has been a very happy child in OK. Leave her be. Someone should begin investigating the (Nightlight) adoption attorney and soon. He's already started an illegal adoption of another Oklahoma American Indian child from Shawnee. This time the birth grandmother and the birth father are on the same side.
http://www.postandcourier.com/article/20130816/PC16/130819561