My youth disappeared
under spell and dominion,
too powerless, mute, and
too weak to protest
Maid, cook, whore, child
Necessary, I believed, so
I disappeared into their idea
of what I should be
I read their desires as directions
like their force, somehow
My illusion had to be protected
with all my energy and faith
I trusted I would be safe
I told myself it was love
and that it was worth it
I was wrong, I was as good as dead
I was incapable of love
to any degree
There was no emotion
Just a numb, frozen heart
I found memories of a little princess
whose father took his piece
then a procession of narcissists
who either betrayed or enslaved
Yet even a slave is rewarded
Angels arrive, teachers, books
that open my world of silence
and give me my voice
There is no worthless left
just a force and direction
There are beliefs that allow no weakness
and no men left to dominate desire
Now, as I choose,
I am safe within my own walls,
alive in my body, strong as a willow,
as wild, as free.
© 2010 Trace A. DeMeyer
(UPDATED 4/4/2025) we will update as we publish at AMERICAN INDIAN ADOPTEES WEBSITE - some issues with blogger are preventing this
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
click
Contact Trace
CALLED HOME: Book Contributors - republished in 2025
CALLED HOME: Book Contributors : We are honored that these adoptees (or relatives of adoptees) contributed to CALLED HOME: Suzie ...

-
Published on Sep 28, 2013 This 40-minute documentary explains the reason for and the process of creating and implementing ...
-
By Mary Charles I somehow don't believe the intention was for us (adoptees) to find our homes using DNA. But when I came across t...
-
Editor NOTE: This is one of our most popular posts so we are reblogging it. If you do know where Michael Schwartz is, please leave a com...
-
Port Gamble S'Klallam Obtain Full Control Over Child Welfare Matters Posted on March 29, 2012 After a decade-long effort in conju...
-
By Melanie Payne ( mpayne@news-press.com ) August 15, 2010 Alexis Stevens liked to describe herself as a model citizen. She was adopted fr...
-
By: Shannon Logan Feb 07, 2014 Leland Morrill was estranged from h...
-
South Carolina court drops contempt charge against Dusten Brown Dusten Brown and the Cherokee Nation rea...
-
By Trace L Hentz, blog editor I have often wondered about how we adoptees were affected by our adoptions, as far as our mental health. (I ...
-
Capobiancos Sue Dusten Brown for Nearly Half a Million in Fees Suzette Brewer September 25, 2013 As Matt and Melanie...
-
Trace wishes to thank Loud Blood for her wonderful guest blog... (excerpt from upcoming book, " Loud Blood" ) I have been f...
This is so awesome....wonderful words to describe your feelings...Love the last paragraph..Strong as a Willow....so true.
ReplyDeletemy favorite lines:
ReplyDelete"Yet even a slave is rewarded"
and:
"My youth disappeared/
too weak to protest"
and
"I disappeared into their idea
of what I should be"
Resonate with me.
This is so awesome....wonderful words to describe your feelings...Love the last paragraph..Strong as a Willow....so true.
ReplyDelete